I'm Fat and I know It.

Went to work like usual when someone told me that I'm getting fatter. It's not that I cannot accept that I'm fat, I'm trying my best. I'm trying my best to do everything. It makes my feel so down. I know I shouldn't be. After all, it's my body anyway. I cannot asks people to shut their mouth. It's their mouth anyway. What I can do is to just keep trying to lose weight and maintain a healthy life style.

This is my weight progress.

On November 2015, my weight is 39KG this is due to the DKA (diabetic ketoacidosis).

After getting treated for almost 4 months, now, I weighted around 60KG. 

My BMI is 24.0. It still in the normal range but one step closer to being overweight. 

My plan now is to loss my weight first and then to toned up my body. I also attending the MMA and Muay Thai class for fitness purposes.

I'll be back with my weight loss journey sometime later.

See ya.

"NO PAIN, NO GAIN".

 

  

One Night Stand

Desire. It's one thing that is really hard to control. I still remember, few years back when I promised myself that I would never do things that will torn my dignity but I still did it in the end. Things that will violate my religions belief. Guilt and regret. Lots of possibility and consequences.

I could stop him but I couldn't. I should control myself but I couldn't. Things are out of control. I must be insane. There is no protection at all. It's a messy business that resulted in blood.

I Can Wait Forever-Air Supply (lyrics)

Been playing this song over and over again. Am I waiting for my boyfriend? No, I don't have one and I planned to not to pressure myself upon this marriage issues. I do want to love and be loved but I think it was too risky to hurt myself at the end of the day so I don't want to think about love at this moment. My focus now is more to myself, my diabetes and hyperthyroid, my parents, my siblings and also my pets which consist of lots of fishes and adopted kitty as well as the turtles.



Enjoy the songs and I hope it will haunt you as well.



Take care.

Admitted to the hospital for 2 months

 Who cares? If I'm admitted for how many months, no one cares but who cares? I still want to share my experience.

First I'm admitted because of dKa( Diabetesketoneacidosis), due to uncontrolled BG. Then, they( the doctors) plan to get me a total thyroidectormy but after been admitted for 2 months, my TSH is still high it was cancelled again. I wondered is it because of my medication dosage or what but it seems like it really hard to control.

Will get back to you.

Father's Heart

My colleague, who's in 40s said his daughter didn't come back home for the past 2 days. I asked if he happen to scold his daughter and he said he didn't even get a chance to do so since he is very tired after work.

He is really mad at her daughter and in my mind he must've hate his daughter. But that perception changed when he refused to eat because he is too worried about his daughter.

I think I just broke my toes.

Went for a walk while I'm in the hospital for an appointment. I'm pretty dizzy and i guess it was my blood pressure which is pretty high 178/90.

Walked and walked, then I felt a pain on my toes. I realized it was so painful and looked back I saw this concrete beam. Argh, I just smashed my foot into it.

The pain is so unbearable. When I walked, I could feel the pain. When I sat, it would be tingling. Went to the doctor and she said if after a week it still painful, the toes must be cracked. I mean the toe bone.  

My ex-boyfriend name Welly

I met this man named Welly at my workplace. He is using the old tactic to woo me. Surprisingly, I got attached at this man. We met and talk in the phone often. What I liked about him is the fact that he is the eldest child from 8 siblings. That makes me feel like he would be a responsible person. He also 3 year older than me which is what I want.

We went out on our first date. He picked me up far away from my house. Maybe he is afraid to meet my parents. Everything is going well until I realize his habit. When we talked, his eyes would attached to my boob. Then, he often looked at his phone. This is the thing that annoyed me after the first case.

The day after our first date, we still contact each each other. Then, a week after we just stopped  talking. I think it's over even though we didn't decide on anything yet.