I Can Wait Forever-Air Supply (lyrics)

Been playing this song over and over again. Am I waiting for my boyfriend? No, I don't have one and I planned to not to pressure myself upon this marriage issues. I do want to love and be loved but I think it was too risky to hurt myself at the end of the day so I don't want to think about love at this moment. My focus now is more to myself, my diabetes and hyperthyroid, my parents, my siblings and also my pets which consist of lots of fishes and adopted kitty as well as the turtles.



Enjoy the songs and I hope it will haunt you as well.



Take care.

My First Date

Got some men asking for my number. Been thinking a lot but then I decided to date this on man from my workplace. I choose him because of his quality as a men.

Then, yesterday we went on a date after been friends for 3 days.

We agreed to met on the afternoon. He came on 1:30PM. I said to myself, It's fine.

We ate, I paid.

It was so awkward. Especially when his eyes on my boobs all the time. It's like my eyes is on my boobs. I thought he is the one after meeting so many bastards in the past judging how he  talked.

The effort I put in to make the relationship a success.

I don't know. Am I giving up on love? I think so. I think I better off with myself. I better date myself more. Love myself more.

Growing up

I never thought to be an adult would be this tough.

Finding a job is one thing but to be employed is another.

Possibilities, questions, answers, excuses, etc. seems endless.

Until at one point I started to question my self what is the purpose of living, what I want in life and so on. 

Why am I living the hard way when others seems to be getting things easy way. Comparing my life with other people won't give me a solution anyway.

Life must go on.

Am on my way to the adult life.

Gotta be strong when the hardest hit because life still have the bright side anyway.

Life as a parasites

I thought I knew so much about life. It's twists and turns but I'm wrong. I hate it when nothing ever going out my plan. 

My dream is to finish study, get a job, save a lotsa moolah and to be able to support my family financially.

I do finish my study but I still cannot get my certificate due to some problems with my college. How am I going to get a job without a certificate of my Diploma? How am I going to support my family when I cannot even support myself. Feels like a parasites in my parents house. Not being able to contribute anything, instead I'm the one who's sucking everything in my surrounding.

Jobless. Hopeless. Depressed.

Some said "be strong", "cheer up", etc. but how am I gonna do that in this state?

One thing I'm gonna do is to simply grateful for every single day that I've been through and for every breath I take because somewhere there's someone who fighting to be alive.

Unproductive~

It is the most unproductive 5 months in my life. It's not easy. To have NO income at all. I'm glad to have a supported family. 

For this year, my resolution is easy. To have at least a decent job and to earn a stable income.

Note to self:

3 weeks to go..

before the end of my 6th Semester. This 3 weeks is the most important time left for me to change my exam result. I'm going to start my revision starting today. It's not going to be easy considering the fact that I have 5 subjects this semester. Safe Work Procedure, Emergency Response Plan, Office English, Machinery Safety and Occupational Stress please be good to me :D I'm not going to do the last minute revision anymore like what I used to do for the 5 Semesters. Although I passed with flying colours in my finals but I'm not really happy with it. It's not that I'm not grateful with that, I find it a blessing from God. It's just that I think that the cramming is not a good thing. I have been thinking a lot lately. What is the purpose of taking my Diploma in Safety and Health? Am I just want to pass the exam or it's because of the education itself( knowledge) ? I promise myself that I'm going to achieve both. I'm going to have a good result in my finals. Also, to obtain an appropriate knowledge and an adequate education for my safety and health industry. I want to be a competent Safety and Health Officer. 

Full concentration..

..will be given from me for the precious time left. Precious time which mean "the only time left for me" to finish up all my assignments before it's submission date(this Friday) and prepare the 3 presentation slides.

Now, listening to my classmates who're now presenting something. Ahakz. I'm on their shoes last week. Doing the presentation. Cold sweat.

I want to touch the water eventhough it is just a plain salt water. But look at the colour~

Exams Worries & Woes?? 


Before the exams: 
Im worried for this particular subject/topic! 
Philippians 4:6-7 
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer 
and supplication, with thanks giving, let your 
requests be made known to God; and the peace of 
God which surpasses all understanding, will guard 
your heart and minds through Jesus Christ. 


My mind cannot concentrate during revision 
Isaiah 26:4 
You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is 
stayed on You, because he trusts in You. 


I cannot sleep peacefully nowadays. 
Psalms 3:5 
I lay down and sleptfor the Lord sustained me. 


Im physically and mentally fatigue. 
Isaiah 40:31 
But those who wait upon the Lord shall renew 
their strength; They shall mount up with wings like 
eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall 
walk and not faint. 


Theres no hope for Im too far behind to catch up! 
Psalms 43:5 
Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are 
you disquieted within me? Hope in God; For I shall 
yet praise Him, the help of my countenance and 
my God. 




During the exams: 
I dont understand whats this question all about! 
Proverbs 3:5-6 
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not 
on your own understanding, in all your ways 
acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths. 


I am too nervous to think properly! 
John 14:27 
Peace, I leave with you, My peace I give to you; 
not as the world gives, do I give to you. Let not 
your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. 


This question needs much wisdom and I dont have 
it 
James 1:5 
If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God 
who gives all liberally and without reproach and it 
will be given to him. 




After exams: 
What will my results be like??? 
Psalms 37:4 
Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give 
you the desires of your heart. 


Does God care, if I fail? 
1 Peter 5:7 
Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for 
you. 

The Day When I Suddenly...

...thinking like a matured women. erkkk..female? hmn, I'm not really sure how should I categorised my self as I'm 23 years old this year.

As I look upon the sky today, there are lot of stars and even a big round full moon. Suddenly, I thought, if only I could grab the star? I'm curious, you know and it's been such a long time after I've been this curious. Maybe I just have to marry an astronaut right if I want to learn anything about the stars and such but I think it would be REALLY impossible. 

 Thinking of my future. My family, my siblings, marriage, children and my own dreams. I wonder if my dreams could be achieve? I believe my future didn't based on luck but persistent and courage. I really hope so that everything will go well. I really want to be a good daughter, a good sisters and especially a good child of God. 

Thank you, Lord for all the blessings.

I have to pass through a dark night of the soul.

You have to pass through a dark night of the soul.

Everyone does, including you. A time comes when what you have always believed is true melts away underneath you. When you cast in doubt even the most obvious, the most simple. When it seems that dark night is all around, and you are all alone. Take heart, this journey through abyss is the final barrier before your emergence into the heavenly light of a new synthesis of your being. God is waiting for you on the other side.

Don’t be afraid to give your best

to what seemingly are small jobs.

Every time you conquer one

it makes you that much stronger.

If you do the little jobs well,

the big ones will tend to take care of themselves

I can only give away what I already have inside myself.

True giving happens when you are overflowing from the inside, and cannot help but share. When there is so much love within you that it has to flow to others or you would burst open. There is no thinking involved, no willpower in such sharing. It just flows out. If you have to force yourself to be kind, to love, to feel compassion, you've missed the first step of filling in your own Self with these emotions.

Most of my words are necessary

All too often I speak simply to fill the space with sound, because I felt too uncomfortable with the silence. But this silence is golden. Only in silence you can hear God speak to you. Only in silence can a real prayer, a heart prayer be born. Next time you start chattering, stop and feel into the silence, feel its shape, its texture, and then slowly and silently say only what really has to be said.

Faith is exactly what it takes to get through uncertainty.

Faith is not necessary when you know how things are going to work out, - that's knowledge. It's in the time of unknowing that having faith is what sees you through to the other side. Faith is what gives you strength. Faith is that light in your heart that keeps on shining even when it's all darkness outside. Now is the time to keep that faith alive!