I'm confused

I don't know myself anymore.
I couldn't understand myself.
My feelings is just mixed up with many other things.
I love to work but once I'm quite unhappy with the environment.
I hate how I couldn't click with them.

Gotta stop complaining though.
Gotta appreciate my life.

Mixed feelings

Started working in retail shop starting yesterday. I don't know but I somehow feeling sad. Wonder am I wasting my time studying for my Diploma and ended up working as shop assistant? What is future hold for me?

Growing up

I never thought to be an adult would be this tough.

Finding a job is one thing but to be employed is another.

Possibilities, questions, answers, excuses, etc. seems endless.

Until at one point I started to question my self what is the purpose of living, what I want in life and so on. 

Why am I living the hard way when others seems to be getting things easy way. Comparing my life with other people won't give me a solution anyway.

Life must go on.

Am on my way to the adult life.

Gotta be strong when the hardest hit because life still have the bright side anyway.

Finally...

off to Miri today.
Gonna face exit exam and viva presentation tomorrow.
Scared and excited at the same time.
Thrilled too.

Note to Self: Fear will not kill/ hurt you!

Life as a parasites

I thought I knew so much about life. It's twists and turns but I'm wrong. I hate it when nothing ever going out my plan. 

My dream is to finish study, get a job, save a lotsa moolah and to be able to support my family financially.

I do finish my study but I still cannot get my certificate due to some problems with my college. How am I going to get a job without a certificate of my Diploma? How am I going to support my family when I cannot even support myself. Feels like a parasites in my parents house. Not being able to contribute anything, instead I'm the one who's sucking everything in my surrounding.

Jobless. Hopeless. Depressed.

Some said "be strong", "cheer up", etc. but how am I gonna do that in this state?

One thing I'm gonna do is to simply grateful for every single day that I've been through and for every breath I take because somewhere there's someone who fighting to be alive.

I'm not jobless anymore..

..because I'm working now.
I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm working at one of the fast food chain.
It's tiring but I've learnt a lot.
I never knew that it would be tiring but I guess nothing comes easy in life especially when finding money.
Well, let's see how far can I take this job. How strong am I to work with people who have a low mentality.

My Jobless Thought

Hey, there. I'm still OFFICIALLY jobless. No, I'm not proud being jobless. It's more like kinda depressing to be sitting in the room, facing the wall each day and wondering if there's any hope for me? To have at least a decent job to support my family or at least have enough income to support myself?Well I don't know and I'm not sure.

Feels like I still have long way to go. So many life achievement that is yet to be achieve. Depression, insomnia, nightmares and etc. keep attacking me. Every time I'm going to bed, my mind racing. How am I gonna get money to pay my study loan debt with me being jobless. What should I eat?How should I pay all the bills?I don't know. I'm scared. 

Never did I ever imagine for my life to be turned out like this. 

But there's always one thing that I'm always grateful for is to have this journey called life. To be able to be just ALIVE.STILL BREATHING. I think i just need to be strong because this life I have is not an easy path yet I'm grateful. Always.