Give me strength

Been working for month now. It's tiring and exhausting but I'll try my best to resist the temptation to resign anytime as I'm already got my appointment letter. The thought of giving up is always pushing me so I'm going to try really hard to be mentally prepared for anything. I shouldn't give a fuck about what my colleagues might say as long as I'm doing my work as usual. I know it's hard but there's a lot of people out there who's having a tough time. Look at the immigrants who's came to our country and leaving their family behind just to work as a labourer in a construction site be it  men or a women? For them to work under the hot sun. I just couldn't imagine their pain.

At the same time, I' gonna brush up my interview skills and trying my best to improve my resume so I could get a stable job.

Woke up at 3 am by the sound of my mum coming back from the fishing trip and couldn't sleep.
Looked up to my neighbours house and wondering why they didn't go to work. Just realize that today is Saturday.

Too shy to talk?

I don't know but I find it hard to adjust myself to a new work environment especially if my colleagues is male. I'm not bias but I find it so uncomfortable working with them. I don't know what topic should we talk about. I think I need to brush up my skills on that area.

An Old Lady

An old lady just praise me for having the initiative to work.

Never in my 25 years of living, to be praised for working.

I never felt proud for my job before but now I kinda feel proud by the fact that I'm working.

The old lady said it's a good thing that I'm working because not only that I don't have to ask my parents for money, I also would learn a lot of things. I agreed because the experience of working is really different from studying whereby working is the reality of life. The experience itself is really priceless.

The old lady made me think about lotsa things today. Her wise advice makes me realize that sometimes a simple conversation with strangers is the best way to learn about life ups and downs.

Thanks old lady. 

I will remember you. 

What's wrong with me?

To blend myself in the new environment is really not my thing.
I hate to feel awkward.
I hate when communication failed.

I'm confused

I don't know myself anymore.
I couldn't understand myself.
My feelings is just mixed up with many other things.
I love to work but once I'm quite unhappy with the environment.
I hate how I couldn't click with them.

Gotta stop complaining though.
Gotta appreciate my life.

Mixed feelings

Started working in retail shop starting yesterday. I don't know but I somehow feeling sad. Wonder am I wasting my time studying for my Diploma and ended up working as shop assistant? What is future hold for me?

Growing up

I never thought to be an adult would be this tough.

Finding a job is one thing but to be employed is another.

Possibilities, questions, answers, excuses, etc. seems endless.

Until at one point I started to question my self what is the purpose of living, what I want in life and so on. 

Why am I living the hard way when others seems to be getting things easy way. Comparing my life with other people won't give me a solution anyway.

Life must go on.

Am on my way to the adult life.

Gotta be strong when the hardest hit because life still have the bright side anyway.

Finally...

off to Miri today.
Gonna face exit exam and viva presentation tomorrow.
Scared and excited at the same time.
Thrilled too.

Note to Self: Fear will not kill/ hurt you!

Life as a parasites

I thought I knew so much about life. It's twists and turns but I'm wrong. I hate it when nothing ever going out my plan. 

My dream is to finish study, get a job, save a lotsa moolah and to be able to support my family financially.

I do finish my study but I still cannot get my certificate due to some problems with my college. How am I going to get a job without a certificate of my Diploma? How am I going to support my family when I cannot even support myself. Feels like a parasites in my parents house. Not being able to contribute anything, instead I'm the one who's sucking everything in my surrounding.

Jobless. Hopeless. Depressed.

Some said "be strong", "cheer up", etc. but how am I gonna do that in this state?

One thing I'm gonna do is to simply grateful for every single day that I've been through and for every breath I take because somewhere there's someone who fighting to be alive.