Sunday, June 26, 2011

My Limit

Living in the same house & in the same class with my older brother really have it's own pros and cons. Last Friday, it is our turn to do our presentations in class but each of us presenting in our own group where he is the group leader for his group and I'm the leader for my group.

So, while I'm in the middle of my group presentation, the lecturer's suddenly said "eh, what are you talking about, this act actually have the new & revised version. The act that you're talking is the old one". On that moment, I realized that my expressions changed. Am frustrated and it's all shown in my face during the whole presentation.

My Bro who happen to be on the class at that time said "why your face like that...why your expression like that ..I think you can do better than that...why did you didn't do more research...etc" and it's goes on for 2 days. He'd been talking over the same thing until today.

Me?I remain silence for that 2 days because I know I've done nothing wrong. I've asked and shown my presentation slides to my lecturer and he said that what he want. That's why I feel so frustrated when the lecturer saying that thing only on my presentation day. Also, my expression. How am I suppose to control that. If you're in my feet, after working so hard only to heard that on your presentation? I'm frustrated and it's hurting me..

30 minutes ago, my Bro said the same thing. This time, I cannot hold it anymore. I've exploded. The anger that I've hold inside my heart for this past few days, I've splashed it to my Bro with my violent words that he  never heard before. I let it out. All out. I'm not going to remain silence again.

My Bro? Of course he'd shocked and I think he's not going to talk about it anymore.
Yes, I may make mistakes when I try. When I do, you'll laugh at me for trying. But here's the difference: I tried, while you jut sat there
Making mistakes when attempting to learn is part of learning. I pay my education in money, time, emotion, effort and energy. And so I learn.

I have to pass through a dark night of the soul.

You have to pass through a dark night of the soul.

Everyone does, including you. A time comes when what you have always believed is true melts away underneath you. When you cast in doubt even the most obvious, the most simple. When it seems that dark night is all around, and you are all alone. Take heart, this journey through abyss is the final barrier before your emergence into the heavenly light of a new synthesis of your being. God is waiting for you on the other side.

Asking for help

My class consist of 40+ students and I think among all of them, they're still some of them that I've never spoke to. Including this one guy. Actually, I've talk to him once in the 1st semester when we're in the same group but I stopped talking to him after I got scolded by him. I hate him so much that I never talk to him for the next 3 semester and he do the same. Now, in the 4th semester, he suddenly started to talk to me again & I think it's  time for me to forget about what had happened between us. Today, I've asked him something regarding our assignment and surprisingly he helped me. Thanks to him that now I know how to do my assignments. yay.
Oh, silly me. Look at how immature am I.

Good music make me feel good. Good music help me fall asleep easy, help me dream good. Good beat + Good lyrics = Life.

These songs must be so good that I never failed to played it over and over again.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

When Your Words Comforting me

So, I've been updating my FB status and saying like this;

"You're so selfish!!Don't you know how many people had suffered because of your selfishness??Please stop being so immature!!!!"

Yeah, sounds mean right but I really cannot hold it anymore. I really hope that the person will read it.  That person didn't know how many people had suffered because of her actions. My family & I already forgive her last time when she's done the biggest mistake in her life but seems like she didn't take it as a lessons. 

What touched me the most is when my classmate give me his "kind words" that I think is really comforting me. Thanks to him that now I felt much better. 

This is what he said in reply to my status;

"A selfish person believes that he or she can survive alone. So, fulfill his/her wish and leave that person alone. Your time, energy and mind is better of elsewhere. That person doesn't deserve your attention bah. You, on the other hand, deserve better."

Monday, June 20, 2011

Just A Random Thought

 While I was having my dinner, I have this thought in my head which is a very random thought. Which is: I'm going to give my full concentration on my study so no "love" at this moment. I just think that I won't be able to focus on my studies if I involve in "love" or in the other words, being with someone or in relationship. Am I have no feelings towards men at all? Of course I do have feelings for them but I think this is not the right moment yet.

I promised to study hard so I can give my parents what they never had. A better life.

Black & White Milkshake

My Bro & I

My Bro: You should sleep now.

Me: Of course, I will but give me 15 minutes.

My Bro: *Peeking through my door & saw my lap top was on*
               You know what, I think you should discipline yourself more. That's what you need.      

Me: Just stared at him until he's off to his own room.

Urghhhh...I know. I know. Things getting worse here. I mean my insomnia. Yesterday, I've sleep only at 11:30 am and then I woke up at 5pm. My Bro don't like my sleep pattern & asked me to discipline myself. He think I should force myself to sleep because it's possible. I've been putting an all niter because of my lap top.So, I better off to bed now before my Bro checking on me again later.

Good Night~

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Happy Father's Day,Pa.

Frankly, I am not a daddy's girl, asking anything and I can get it in a jiffy. But what I do know is that my dad will try his best to carry the "dad's" title. Thanks Pa for being the most wonderful father for the 5 of us and a good husband to Ma. Thanks for all of your sacrifices in order to support our family. I know it must be hurt you a lots for all the sacrifices. I know, I know. I'm not going to disappoint you. Even though I never said I love you,Pa, but deep inside my heart, you know, I do love you.We both know it.

Happy Father's Day, Pa. May God bless you always...
p/s I know he's not going to read it but I still like to acknowledge how this day as special too.


Saturday, June 18, 2011

When I First Found out about my Hyperthyroidism

A few years ago, when the doctor said that I was having a hyperthyroid, I was shocked and a bit confused. I still remember that I'll almost cried when the doctor said it to me. I know, I'm overreacting. I thought that I was going to die over this "HYPERTHYROID".But how would you feel, when you're only13/14 years old & you don't even know what is "HYPERTHYROID" is all about and someone told you that you're having it inside your body? isn't it frightening? I am.

Thanks to my mum for being the first one who noticed about it at first. My mum said she noticed that I'm having it when saw how drastically my mood, my appetite and my weight had changed.She know something is wrong and that's how my journey as a "HYPERTHYROID" patients started.


Thursday, June 16, 2011

Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours. Good morning Thursday

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Why?Last Minute Again?

Yes, I admit it. I've made last minute assignments again. I don't know why but seems like I'll always stick with this kind of "bad attitude" as it's suit me the best. I think other people may have other ways right?Some says to me that my "last minute attitude" is just way too dangerous as I may do it very the cincai one but I know I'm not that kind of person who would do a cincai work even though it's a last minute one.

For this semester, I've only have 2 subjects as this is a very short semester. What makes it challenging to me is that I need to do all the assignments in a very SHORT time. I'm the group leader for this 2 group which means I'm the leader for both of my subjects. So, I need to do@  be well prepared for  this GROUP PRESENTATION as I need to do my other 2 individual assignments. I think I need to make sure that I'm going to pass it up in this week because all this week is the dateline.

Why I didn't do it earlier?Why?It's just that when under pressure my brain is forced to think harder & job done quickly haha

Sunday, June 12, 2011

MyTypical Sunday

It's Sunday and it's the time where I'll relaxed the most. No, not because I've done my assignments. It's because today is Sunday and all I can said is that I've trained to myself to "do nothing" on Sunday or you can said it's really an unproductive day for me. Well, at least I did wash my hair. I think I will miss this moment later. The moment where I'm sitting alone in my room, listening to some music while having breakfast, sleep as long as I want, helping my Bro with his assignments, chatting and laughing with him, do everything I want and arranging my notes for class tomorrow. I think I will miss it a lot when I'm working later. The homesick I felt which makes me stronger. The unbearable feelings I felt where I really miss my family especially when I need them during my hard times, but I know all of this things is useful for me. I'm getting stronger and stronger as times goes by. I will appreciate every moments in my life, even though it a bad or good time, it's still the only time I have after all.

p/s To my dear family, don't worry about me, I'll be a good person and I'm not going to disappoint you guys. This is my promise.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

A Lesson Learnt

I used to whined and complained a lot. Sometimes, I complained when I think that I've had not enough money, when I had a lot of assignments, when my room is hot, when the food is not nice, when my parents nagging, when I need to do a chores, when I need to study but not until I watch this video which makes me appreciate a little things around me. I think I'm the most pathetic and poorest people in the world, but they're another persons who suffers more than me.M.O.R.E. He didn't even have a chance to go to school while I've a chance to study in College. I've promised to myself not to whined or complaining anymore and I've even appreciate the moments when my parents nagging me, my hot room or the chores because I kinda miss it when I'm away from home.

The moment I heard his voice, my tears just flowing out T__T

Friday, June 10, 2011

Her Engagement

My childhood friend is engaged but I'm a bit frustrated as I couldn't attend her big day. I wish I could attend her engagement, I really want to be by her side, to see her glowing face. All I could do is to pray for her happiness.

Carol & Eli

They've been together for 9 years & Eli is her first love. Isn't it really good to have your first love as you husband? The first and the last? I really like this kind of idea..Ohh..Isn't it sweet...XD

Monday, June 6, 2011

Moody Day

Like what I said I'm in the process of doing my group assignment where's the task been fully done by me. So, after pulling an all niter, reading and doing lots of research about the topic : Health and Safety Legislation, I start to write down all the useful information as my raw material. Today, I show it to my lecturer, know what he said? He said I don't need to do it too detailed, all he want was the general one only. So I've been wasting my time doing things a bit too much. As you know I'm a perfectionist so this is what happen to myself today. My head going to explode after reading all the legislation thingy. You know what I mean right? The words are really hard to be understand but I still managed to understand it at the end. But what I got? Rejection. I'm tired, frustrated and currently in a really bad mood mode.

See ya

I wish I could stop myself from being an expert procrastinator

Tomorrow the class gonna start.  Feeling a bit lazy because I've been in holiday mode for 1 week ( Gawai holiday). For that 1 week holiday, I've spent my time more on on9, having a movie marathon and lots of sleep. Know what? Now I need to paid it off. I'm going to pulling an all niter today as I need to do my assignment. It's a group presentation but as a group leader, I need to do all the presentation slides which is seriously unfair. It was a group work, yet still I need to do it alone. That's why I hate doing a group work. It's just a waste of time. There's no communication at all. I could have do it 6 days ago but as you know, I'm the expert procrastinator, so what do you expect from me? Never mind, my last minute work is the best after all.So, this is what I'm going to do today:

  • Health & Safety Legislation ( I'm still quite unsure on what should I do since there's quite a lot of legislation that covered under Health & Safety. Should I include the OSHA? FMA? UBBL? I don't know yet. It's so challenging to prepare the presentations slides since the time given is only 15 minutes and my group have 5 other members)

  •  Occupational Safety 2

Sunday, June 5, 2011

.Learn, live, love and appreciate the journey called "life"

This is such an inspiring & brilliant video. There's so many things that have been touched here. It has a very powerful message even though it is such a simple video. Take a moment to watch during your break. This video revolves around people with difference race and color, venturing on their answers to the most common questions that even me, myself find it hard to answer because it's something universal. But I still want to answer 2 of the questions.

What the meaning of life to you?

For me, I think, life is just a journey & wherever we're going, whatever our destination is, the only thing that matters the most in life is the RIDE. Whatever it is, we need to learn, live, love and appreciate the journey called life and shared it with the persons we love. Be it our family, friends, neighbor,pets or God. We're all in this world together right?

What makes you happy?

To be able to live & shared my life with my beloved family and God in our simple life. The fact that we're loving each other makes me feel happy. We're living our life to the fullest.

Don’t be afraid to give your best
to what seemingly are small jobs.

Every time you conquer one

it makes you that much stronger.

If you do the little jobs well,

the big ones will tend to take care of themselves

Saturday, June 4, 2011

My Own Guru @ Inspiration

I just like her. I don't know why but I think she's humble even though she's really good with make ups. I once watched the other make up Guru but sometimes I just don't like the way they do it. She's the one who's making me feels curious and interested in make up thingy, clothes, vlog and even the products. She's so sweet & nice. Ah, she even asked my questions. XD

I'm Holding My Anger

My Bro: Hey, did you see my money. I put it on your table.

Me: Huh? I never saw it.

My Bro: I put it here. How could it lost?

Me: I don't know! I didn't touched it!

My Bro: but I remembered that I put it here just now.
             ( He's even checking on my purse)

He's been asking for 7 times to be exact. I hate it! it's like he's been accusing me for stealing his money when I know I'm not. The moment I saw him checking on my purse, I'm almost explode!!!!Seriously, ALMOST!!
I even said to my self that if he was going to ask my where the heck his money is, I'm sure he will splash with my anger.  Then, suddenly, he was silent. I knew it. He forgot that he'd already put that damn money in his pocket. I don't even want to look at him. I'm too mad but when he suddenly said that he was going to buy my favourite Chocolate Cake,my heart is cold again. The anger that I've hold is all vanished.

That's how my bro do it. He know exactly how to spoiled my mood, how to hurt me and he even know how to heal them back again.

What Exactly Had Happened?

Class going to start next week. So, the holiday is almost over. I've been spending my holiday by staying at my room and sleep almost all the time *hibernating mode*. But there's a weird thing happened yesterday. As you know, I'm living in this house with my bro and the other people. I'm the only girl & considering that fact, I've always take a safety precaution especially, always lock the door. When I woke up at yesterday, I noticed that my door is opened. Not widely open, but it's opened. I'm seriously scared, confused and thinking hard. What I can remember, before I go to bed, I did checked & lock the door. I don't know how did it happen. Is it my bro who forgot to close the door? or is it me, who open it by myself during sleep? or is it other people who open it? I hope not. I'm scared to ask my bro. I hate myself for sleeping like there's no tomorrow until I didn't realize I'm sleeping with the opened door. I should be careful next time.